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Signed, sealed

July 6, 2011

We signed an agreement this morning. We’re moving to Ann Arbor, Michigan, in three weeks.

My parents live 45 minutes south of Ann Arbor, so we’ll finally have a support system in taking care of the kids. We can both have houses with yards, walk to school, and our kids won’t witness any more knife fights or be told their mother is a whore by addicts in the subway.

I don’t know which I’m more happy about–moving to Michigan, or having this negotiation over with! This was almost harder than the initial negotiations for our divorce. I think we’re both a little bit in shock.

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40 Comments leave one →
  1. July 6, 2011 1:25 pm

    Congratulations; this must be a huge relief! And Ann Arbor seems like a pretty damn cool place to start over. Clean slate, and all that. Best of luck to all of you!

  2. July 6, 2011 1:33 pm

    Congratulations! I cannot even imagine trying to work that kind of thing out with an ex, but it sound like it will be a great change for the kids.

  3. July 6, 2011 1:42 pm

    Wow, congrats! What does this mean for your job? And my family is from that area and so I am biased but I don’t think you can find nicer people.

    • askmoxie permalink*
      July 6, 2011 2:04 pm

      I’ll be working remotely, from home. I’ll be so glad not to commute, but so sad not to be with my coworkers anymore, who made me laugh all day long.

  4. July 6, 2011 1:44 pm

    I’m really happy for you.

  5. Tessie permalink
    July 6, 2011 1:49 pm

    CONGRATULATIONS! What a load off.

  6. July 6, 2011 1:56 pm

    Of course I’m completely biased, being an Ann Arbor native, but I love this town, and I love raising my kids here. I hope you both grow to love this town (almost) as much as I do, and that the kids make a smooth happy transition.

  7. July 6, 2011 2:03 pm

    I’m really impressed with the both of you! How awesome!

  8. mom2boy permalink
    July 6, 2011 2:33 pm

    Wow. Your ex-husband agreed to move to a different city and state, near his ex-ILs and ex-wife, to be in the same city as his kids. That has got to be one of the most egoless decisions I’ve heard of in a (post)divorce negotiation. Congratulations to you all! Very impressive. I’m going to keep this in mind as I move forward negotiating with people in my life around things that are important to my child’s well-being.

    • Lisa V permalink
      July 6, 2011 7:54 pm

      If I could like a comment, I would . Very impressed with both of you.

      • Slim permalink
        July 6, 2011 8:38 pm

        I’d be “Liking” too — especially after reading Lisananda’s comment below. Yay for LOD and the parents he inspires.

  9. July 6, 2011 2:38 pm

    Amazing and I’m so happy for all of you. Sounds like an incredible journey has begun.

  10. July 6, 2011 2:45 pm

    Congratulations! I thought it had to do with moving, perhaps, but it never occurred to me that you would *both* move. Coming to agreement on this is a major achievement–I am totally impressed. I hope you all find lots of happiness there.

  11. Katie permalink
    July 6, 2011 2:49 pm

    Congratulations on the move closer and even more so the negotiations!

  12. July 6, 2011 3:00 pm

    Congratulations on the the agreement. I had a bit of a chuckle about the knife fights and the addicts calling you a whore….don’t you just love NYC? Heck of a town, it is. I digress…Good luck to everyone.

  13. Barbara '76 permalink
    July 6, 2011 3:27 pm

    I’m very happy for you!

  14. July 6, 2011 4:09 pm

    Um…WOW. Congrats congrats congrats to you both. I figured one was moving but both? Both is genius. Being near more help is genius. The whole thing is genius.
    I live in a town where it’s hard to have two households but four different divorced families I knew pulled it off and their kids are all happy, well-adjusted adults (who don’t say mean things to strangers in subways). Now they all started there, so I hope the kids are ok with the move but still…WOW. Yay for you! I only wish it were a little further off time-wise so we Philly bloggers could send you off with a party!

  15. July 6, 2011 4:15 pm

    Congratulations! Good luck with the move.

  16. Jill permalink
    July 6, 2011 4:20 pm

    Zow, that is awesome! I love Ann Arbor and manage to get there once in awhile to visit friends. Best wishes to all of you.

  17. kellynola permalink
    July 6, 2011 4:25 pm

    A big congratulations. What an undertaking. Wishing a happy move.

  18. Lisananda permalink
    July 6, 2011 4:51 pm

    Congratulations! My ex and I agreed to do this, but after the kids and I had already moved across the country to gain the grandparent support system, he changed his mind and decided that to be a good father he had to be happy and he decided he wouldn’t be happy where we were living. The kids are still dealing with the emotional fallout of that decision and the abandonment since he ditched contact for months after we moved. He publicized it on his blog before he told us. It was horrible. I have a great deal of respect for both of you doing what works best for your whole family. All the best with your move!

  19. Celeste permalink
    July 6, 2011 9:21 pm

    I’m so sorry, Lisa. That’s a worst case scenario and I’m so sorry that it happened to you and your kids.

  20. Celeste permalink
    July 6, 2011 9:25 pm

    LOD and Moxie, I guess I didn’t consider that this could be harder than the divorce.

    I hope the move and adjustment go as smoothly as possible, and I hope that good things happen for everyone in the family as a result. I think it’s a wonderful gift to give kids proximity to grandparents, FWIW.

    • July 9, 2011 4:11 pm

      My thoughts exactly! Well said, Celeste and well done, Moxie & LOD.

  21. Rachel Carey permalink
    July 7, 2011 3:06 am

    Wow. I’m really impressed at the way you two pull together. I know married people who can’t work together with the kind of integrity and intention that you two seem to have pulled off.

    This is a big move. Congratulations to all of you! Oh and if you need to feel even better about fleeing NYC, look up the article the Onion did last year about tons of people leaving the city when they realized it was a crazy place to live.

  22. July 7, 2011 8:30 am

    Wow! Congratulations! That is such an impressive result. There is nothing like grandparental support. I have lots of it, and both my ex and I appreciate it, on both sides. Its all about lifestyle… so glad you guys could work it out.

  23. Erin permalink
    July 7, 2011 9:05 am

    Best of luck to you both! I am full of admiration. One of my worst fears about divorce is being trapped in a place, and not being able to move no matter how it might improve my career/my kids’ lives. A friend of mine almost had to go to court because her ex totally lost his mind about her wanting to move 45 minutes away! (Closer to town where she could work, better school district.)

  24. Shannon permalink
    July 7, 2011 9:08 am

    Congrats to you both!! I live about 45 minutes north of Ann Arbor and you are going to love it. It will be great to have your parents/ILs near and both be able to have a house with a yard. I am amazed that you two were able to come up with this solution – and that both parties were agreeable. Yay for you both!!! And a big Yay for the kids…they are the big winners here!!!!

  25. Trekkie permalink
    July 7, 2011 9:56 am

    Wow I am in shock but I now see why this was such a long mediation since this is such a big change and decision. Was there ever discussion of the grandparents moving to you? Although it seems from your post that the environment of NY was also a deciding factor in the move not just the lack of familial support. I applaud both of you on coming to this agreement. I am happily married, however I find your blog an insight into how my parents must have operated as divorced co-parents and it actually makes me appreciate them more.

    • askmoxie permalink*
      July 7, 2011 10:24 am

      Trekkie, there was no possibility of my parents moving closer to us–the cost of living in NYC is prohibitive, plus my dad is still working and it would have been tough for him to switch jobs a few years before retirement. Moving to A2 is going to put everyone in a better place financially and logistically.

      • Slim permalink
        July 7, 2011 2:44 pm

        How are LOD’s parents taking it? That is probably none of my business, and evidence that the whole Dueling Grandparents thing is taking up too much of my consciousness. Or headspace, or whatever kids call it these days.

      • askmoxie permalink*
        July 7, 2011 4:34 pm

        He’s visiting them now, so I’m guessing he’ll respond when he gets back or gets a chance at internet.

  26. DLG in Mich permalink
    July 7, 2011 11:38 am

    Congratulations from Ann Arbor! What an exciting life change for all of you.

  27. nyccoffeegirl permalink
    July 7, 2011 2:03 pm

    You two are an inspiration to me. Hoping that my ex and I will be able to be as clear-headed and team-oriented when confronted by difficult issues. Thank you.

  28. Karyn permalink
    July 7, 2011 4:47 pm

    Wow. Congratulations! The two of you are really impressive. It sounds like the two of you have hit on a decision that will make a huge difference in the lives of not only the two of you, but your kids as well.

  29. A2parent permalink
    July 7, 2011 6:40 pm

    Once you get to Ann Arbor, consider looking into cohousing. It will enable you to have a wonderful community and support system of lots of diverse families. It also might allow each of you to live in an adjacent cohousing community so that the kids can easily go from one house to the other by walking and yet you can have separate lives and communities. There are several divorced couples who live in adjacent cohousing communities here. There are also several gay and lesbian families raising children here. Here are the sites:

    http://sites.google.com/site/touchstonecohousing/

    http://gocoho.org/

    http://www.sunward.org/

  30. jwg permalink
    July 8, 2011 5:22 pm

    If you had figured this out at the initial separation you would only have to have packed once! Seriously, it’s nice to see divorced parents acting like adults and in the best interests of the kids. How did they take the news? Do you both have housing yet?

  31. Mykel permalink
    July 10, 2011 7:05 am

    I know I am a little late to the party but have been following this blog since you put it up. I’ve been hoping and hoping that this is what you were mediating for.

    Well done guys – what an amazing result.

  32. rosie permalink
    July 10, 2011 1:45 pm

    congratulations! good luck on the move to you both.

  33. July 11, 2011 2:30 pm

    Thanks for all the good wishes, everyone. I think we’re both ready to get a new life, with a lot more space, peace, Grandma, and off-street parking. You can read more here.

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